This is going to sound totally inane, but I know who I would seek for a partner if I were gay. Shocked, are you? Well obviously I'm not gay but have a friend who is and do know of some others; it's none of my business. Peoples' sexual preference is surely their right, even though it may offend others....the problem then, is with 'the others'.
I have a wonderful spouse so, of course this is not my prerogative, but I also have a brain and an imagination and feel that is my job to use both.
My life does not consist of only being a writer; I am also very much a creator! Love to do many things that include wood working, Native American Arts among all the other frivolous little hobbies that fit in. With the Native American Arts I work with bone, bead, feather, quills and leather and paint as well as gem stones.
By now you are wondering what this has to do with 'gay.' Not too much, in reality!
Well, I have been spending a lot of time doing some deep house cleaning and one afternoon, down in my shop, which is also the family room I was taken back a few years in time on a memory trip. Guess this is actually when I really realized that I love my friend dearly, sexuality having nothing at all to do with it. However, had we lived together I am sure there are those who would have credited us with that persuasion. It was at that time that the thought occurred to me that were I so inclined, she would be my choice.
Leah and I had known each other actually before each of us gave birth to a second son. I met her while visiting at the hospital. She'd just had her second son. I didn't see her again until I moved to the small town in which she lived. My husband had known her and her entire family for a long time before he and I ever met.
We became better acquainted and soon this turned into what has been a long, at least 48 years, friendship. I doesn't seem like one makes these kind of friendships anymore. We spent a lot of time together, raised our kids together. We would all get together on a Sunday afternoon and she would cut both families' hair, then we would have a meal together. I would spend an entire day at her house in town during the time that I was transporting kids back and forth to school from the ranch. The road was treacherous not only because of ice and 'feet' of snow but also being traveled by logging trucks. We had no trouble passing the time doing canning, sewing and whatever else needed doing. If you wonder what we were canning it was elk neck mincemeat. Beware, it will totally ruin your taste for commercial mincemeat!
Now, all these years later, our kids are grown with kids of their own and she is taking care of an aged mother. I have re-married after being a widow for six years and we do not see each other but we communicate. That's the background we shared.
About five years ago she had made a trip down to help me for a month in my Day Care/Preschool while one of my aides was away. I was deep into my crafting even at that time and she became involved by gathering wild turkey feathers, pods and other oddities and even mailing them to me if we didn't have a visit planned. This month we had such a good time. Taking the weekends we would drive into the mountains and gather anything that looked like I might be able to use it. One afternoon in particular we decided to travel out along the river to cut some red willow. We were lucky to have gotten to them before the county road crews came along and cut them down each fall. Selectively we got varied sizes and put them in the trunk of the car. We started home slowly feeling tired yet refreshed at the same time. Talking as we always did suddenly we noticed the carcass of a porcupine on the edge of the road. More or less in amazement our eyes met and we both knew that I would turn around and go back and we would try to retrieve it without hurting ourselves.
We had a heck of a time trying to load the miserable thing onto a small tarp so that it could be more easily moved and lifted into the car trunk. All the time not wanting to be seen doing such a thing we kept a close eye out and our ears open to make a fast getaway should we need to. . We both had uneasy feelings although neither of us actually thought that it was against the law to remove something like that from the side of the road. We did find this out much later from her brother, I guess it was. We got the thing home and unloaded. Deciding to get what quills we could then thinking it might behoove us to reload it and dispose of it somewhere without being seen. We felt like criminals even though we were unaware of the law. We drove out into the country in a different, sparsely populated direction and managed to rid ourselves of our burden. Returning it to the earth from which we had removed it.
That evening we decided to clean up after dinner and wind the willows that we had gathered. Winding was a shaping process in which we delighted in forming different looks for the Dream Catchers that the willow would eventually become. We sat cross-legged for hours on the carpeted floor in front of the old wood heating stove; talking and winding. When finished with that, we would grade them out and sort them for size. Merely a preliminary task that needed doing before the weaving and beading began We spent hours in the family room doing just this each and every time she came to visit. We always either had willows or feathers to sort and size.
The past revisited!
Such cozy memories to hoard and enjoy in these days when we both have different lives. I truly consider this woman a friend to be cherished whether we ever see each other again or not. As I worked at my deep cleaning project I ran across boxes and bags of these woven willows I couldn't help but think back to what fun we did used to have. Memories of a friendship that bound us as close, no closer, than most sisters.
No, I have never fantasized sexuality into our friendship. I think what I feel people should be aware of though is that in any kind of serious relationship, between a man and woman, two women or two men, older men and younger women and older woman and younger men is that being very good friends is a prerequisite for a wonderful relationship. Being lovers is not enough; there must be a solid base of trust an eagerness to please and a driving desire to do things together, thus making a solid relationship and a successful marriage.
copyright 2001, Barb Gould
I have a wonderful spouse so, of course this is not my prerogative, but I also have a brain and an imagination and feel that is my job to use both.
My life does not consist of only being a writer; I am also very much a creator! Love to do many things that include wood working, Native American Arts among all the other frivolous little hobbies that fit in. With the Native American Arts I work with bone, bead, feather, quills and leather and paint as well as gem stones.
By now you are wondering what this has to do with 'gay.' Not too much, in reality!
Well, I have been spending a lot of time doing some deep house cleaning and one afternoon, down in my shop, which is also the family room I was taken back a few years in time on a memory trip. Guess this is actually when I really realized that I love my friend dearly, sexuality having nothing at all to do with it. However, had we lived together I am sure there are those who would have credited us with that persuasion. It was at that time that the thought occurred to me that were I so inclined, she would be my choice.
Leah and I had known each other actually before each of us gave birth to a second son. I met her while visiting at the hospital. She'd just had her second son. I didn't see her again until I moved to the small town in which she lived. My husband had known her and her entire family for a long time before he and I ever met.
We became better acquainted and soon this turned into what has been a long, at least 48 years, friendship. I doesn't seem like one makes these kind of friendships anymore. We spent a lot of time together, raised our kids together. We would all get together on a Sunday afternoon and she would cut both families' hair, then we would have a meal together. I would spend an entire day at her house in town during the time that I was transporting kids back and forth to school from the ranch. The road was treacherous not only because of ice and 'feet' of snow but also being traveled by logging trucks. We had no trouble passing the time doing canning, sewing and whatever else needed doing. If you wonder what we were canning it was elk neck mincemeat. Beware, it will totally ruin your taste for commercial mincemeat!
Now, all these years later, our kids are grown with kids of their own and she is taking care of an aged mother. I have re-married after being a widow for six years and we do not see each other but we communicate. That's the background we shared.
About five years ago she had made a trip down to help me for a month in my Day Care/Preschool while one of my aides was away. I was deep into my crafting even at that time and she became involved by gathering wild turkey feathers, pods and other oddities and even mailing them to me if we didn't have a visit planned. This month we had such a good time. Taking the weekends we would drive into the mountains and gather anything that looked like I might be able to use it. One afternoon in particular we decided to travel out along the river to cut some red willow. We were lucky to have gotten to them before the county road crews came along and cut them down each fall. Selectively we got varied sizes and put them in the trunk of the car. We started home slowly feeling tired yet refreshed at the same time. Talking as we always did suddenly we noticed the carcass of a porcupine on the edge of the road. More or less in amazement our eyes met and we both knew that I would turn around and go back and we would try to retrieve it without hurting ourselves.
We had a heck of a time trying to load the miserable thing onto a small tarp so that it could be more easily moved and lifted into the car trunk. All the time not wanting to be seen doing such a thing we kept a close eye out and our ears open to make a fast getaway should we need to. . We both had uneasy feelings although neither of us actually thought that it was against the law to remove something like that from the side of the road. We did find this out much later from her brother, I guess it was. We got the thing home and unloaded. Deciding to get what quills we could then thinking it might behoove us to reload it and dispose of it somewhere without being seen. We felt like criminals even though we were unaware of the law. We drove out into the country in a different, sparsely populated direction and managed to rid ourselves of our burden. Returning it to the earth from which we had removed it.
That evening we decided to clean up after dinner and wind the willows that we had gathered. Winding was a shaping process in which we delighted in forming different looks for the Dream Catchers that the willow would eventually become. We sat cross-legged for hours on the carpeted floor in front of the old wood heating stove; talking and winding. When finished with that, we would grade them out and sort them for size. Merely a preliminary task that needed doing before the weaving and beading began We spent hours in the family room doing just this each and every time she came to visit. We always either had willows or feathers to sort and size.
The past revisited!
Such cozy memories to hoard and enjoy in these days when we both have different lives. I truly consider this woman a friend to be cherished whether we ever see each other again or not. As I worked at my deep cleaning project I ran across boxes and bags of these woven willows I couldn't help but think back to what fun we did used to have. Memories of a friendship that bound us as close, no closer, than most sisters.
No, I have never fantasized sexuality into our friendship. I think what I feel people should be aware of though is that in any kind of serious relationship, between a man and woman, two women or two men, older men and younger women and older woman and younger men is that being very good friends is a prerequisite for a wonderful relationship. Being lovers is not enough; there must be a solid base of trust an eagerness to please and a driving desire to do things together, thus making a solid relationship and a successful marriage.
copyright 2001, Barb Gould
